Sep 1, 2008 8:07 pm

Forgive me because the first few will be long ... and boring. BUT this is MY blog, and who knows ... perhaps it can be useful to me in sorting out what it is I want in this life vs. what I am "putting out there", know what I mean?If you think you know ... who, or what I am talking about and are offended, ask me ... maybe you just think you know. Here goes .... I was born. I grew up. Things happened. I dealt. Grew up some more. Became a teenager. NOW THIS IS WHEN THINGS GOT INTERESTING. When I was 13 I got me my very first, very own, boyfriend. He was older, and everyone thought he was a great guy. And he was. In public. Thus the story of Red, the promiscuous, began. There were times throughout, that he would break up with me, for one reason or another (he said he was gay, he was in love with someone else, God told him he didn't have time for me unless he pretended I was dead), ya know whatever the psycho path decided. I dealt, and coped, and held my ground to not go back, but I was young, and he controlled every part of me. Even when we weren't together. However, it was during these times, that I experimented. I had remembered him telling me that he wanted to watch me have sex with other guys or whatever he thought of at the moment. So, I used the time away from him, to prepare for it... should it ever happen. Quite the little slut I became. I had a blast ... but I was too young to know how to deal with it. Too young to be having sex at all, let alone comprehending everything else that had happened at his hand. The things I was doing to myself because of the tight grip he had on me whether we were together or not.He remained my boyfriend, on and off for about three or four years. He was the perfect wolf in sheep's clothing, the BMOC, the closet fag and abuser of women. HE was my Alpha and Omega for all of that time, until I woke up, and realized this wasn't the fairy tale I had planned for myself. That was early in my Senior year of High School. I disposed of him from my life .... for good.I think back on that time, and realize I was a child.... and anyone who knows me well, knows that I have a good handle on every bit of that time. I look on it as a crash course in myself. In knowing me. I didn't always get it right. But I am a well adjusted human being.... and well there have been some benefits.