Not Normal.

Not normal.
Dec 12, 2008 2:09 pm229 Views
What I should have done upon discovering the news that my husband, the person who was supposed to take care of me, was feeding me, unknowingly very dangerous illegal drugs, was flip shit. So-called normal people, would have done at least that much. But, I was a doormat. I wanted it to work. I didn't want to have to prove to myself that I deserved more than this. I should have known. I should have not ever trusted him, ever. More over, the truth of it was... I shouldn't have married him. Instead, in an effort to understand the allure of the drug world, and to be sure I had beaten a dead horse beyond recognition, I decided to not get angry, and do the drugs, on my own terms. During that time, while still feeling betrayed, I tried the cocaine that had gripped him so tightly that he would risk our life together. Sounds silly, to think he would ever be worried about losing a doormat such as myself. But that was my frame of mind. All hope was not lost, in my eyes. Cocaine did nothing for me. Other than make me want more cocaine. Which was pointless. Expensive. I knew I was allergic to pot... so that was out. Then he presented me with the little drug he had been infusing into my food and drink. Ecstacy. On my own terms, ecstacy, was well, ecstacy. Seems though, I was left alone every time. He and his cousin and there friends would leave me alone. They'd go out. I was too paranoid to leave... and they never invited me. So I did E, alone. Most of the time. Kinda defeated the purpose... But, I'd clean house, incessantly. Read. Write. Watch PBS like it was going out of style. Oh! and at the time, Bravo was showing Cirque du Soleil all the time... and it was amazing!I also lost about ten pounds everytime I took it. So, I renamed it. Fat Camp. Which also made it a dangerous drug. As someone who has always struggled to lose and maintain weight, dropping a quick ten, was such an attractive process, especially since it took almost no time OR effort at all. So attractive, I had considered doing it for the rest of my life. Never leaving. Just rollin' on Fat Camp, the rest of my life.