Current events...

I need to take....
Sep 9, 2008 10:52 am324 Views
a break for a minute. My life, at present, is a bit of a mess. I take full responsibility for everything, however, the sequence of events that are immediately to blame for my current situation were out of my control.My life, at present, is a bit of a mess. Think country song. I lost my job, lost some friends, got no man, got no money, the bills keep coming and I still ain't got nuthin', my dog needs surgery, I can't afford it. If you think of anything else ... its probably happened in the past two months... That said, now is not the time for me to be developing feelings for other people. But, I have. I tried so hard, to hint around about it. I tried not saying anything about it. It eats me up inside.... because I think that I have been telling him how I feel... but he just didn't get it. Hints were not working.... at least my brand of hints ... which I thought were pretty damn clear. But apparently, they were as clear as mud, to the object of my affections. So, last night , he called me, out of concern about another issue. The in my mind is directly linked to my feelings for him. Bad decisions, made out of ( I hate to use the word) desperation, in order to distract my mind, from thoughts that are wrapped up in him. If you cannot tell from my blogs so far, I am a highly sexual person. All day, every day, sex is always on my mind. It doesn't matter what is going on in my life, those thoughts are there. However, wen I think about him, I think about sex, of course, but I also think about what COULD be, what I could become, with him. Deep down, though I have always tried to be unique, I am the same as any girl/woman, I want to be loved, romantically. I want oxygen. I want history. I want to know that there is a person in my life who allows me to breathe, yet, takes my breath away. I knew from the first conversation he would be hazardous to my heart. I knew he was the type of person I should run towards instead of away from. And now, here I am, feeling hopeful, yet, rejected. He wants my friendship, which is a huge deal. But, can I handle that, if nothing more ever arises from it? The man who wins my heart, ultimately wins my soul, devotion, and unwavering love and support. So, am I still here just for a good time? Or is there more to me than the Red_Anhedonia part of my personality will let you see? I believe the latter. Okay, that's enough 'Current Events" for one day.